Friday, September 9, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Si Papa gandeste
The Pope's Tweets
Sometimes, when I’m all alone, I like to put on my cassock and spin around really fast and pretend I’m a tepee.
During a papal audience, I put folks at ease by asking, “Are you gay?” Then I say, “Kidding!” Then I go, “No, seriously, are you gay?”
It’s hard to tell all the cardinals apart, so sometimes I put different dinosaur stickers on their backs.
This is so embarrassing, but whenever I see Orthodox Jews I always think they’re waiters.
If people ask, “Why does God allow war and evil?,” I ask, “Why do the high-school students on ‘Glee’ look forty?”
When I stand on my balcony and wave to the faithful and millions more via satellite, I think, Kate Middleton must hate me!
If someone questions papal infallibility, I reply, “I know one thing for sure: you shouldn’t be wearing horizontal stripes.”
When I ponder why I was elected Pope over so many others, I wonder if it’s just a popularity contest. Then I think, Gosh, I hope so.
Proof of God’s existence: St. Patrick’s is right next to Saks.
Certain Christians think that they have to attend church only on Christmas and Easter, and I have a word for those people: lucky.
Whenever people doubt that angels are real, I ask them, “Excuse me, but have you seen the Jonas Brothers in concert?”
I hate to say it, but nuns are God’s punch lines.
Michele Bachmann is not Satan. Satan doesn’t have split ends.
Someday I’d like to put on slacks, a cardigan, a little straw hat, and sunglasses, and go see “The Book of Mormon.”
I worry about tweeting a sexy photo and seeing the headline: “THE POPE’S ANKLES!”
I tell other religious leaders their version of God is as valid as mine, but then I twirl and ask, “But who’s He takin’ to prom, huh?”
I met the Dalai Lama and he was so nice, but all I could think was, Sandals? In January? Really?
Every day I offer up a special prayer for the entire Kardashian family, but the next morning they’re always still alive.
I loved that best-seller about the boy who momentarily died and went to Heaven, but all I wanted to ask was, “Did He say anything about me?”
I counsel couples who are about to marry, “If it feels good, stop.”
Nancy Grace: perfect name for a gay Pope?
Read more http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2011/07/25/110725sh_shouts_rudnick#ixzz1TrcE29QN
Sometimes, when I’m all alone, I like to put on my cassock and spin around really fast and pretend I’m a tepee.
During a papal audience, I put folks at ease by asking, “Are you gay?” Then I say, “Kidding!” Then I go, “No, seriously, are you gay?”
It’s hard to tell all the cardinals apart, so sometimes I put different dinosaur stickers on their backs.
This is so embarrassing, but whenever I see Orthodox Jews I always think they’re waiters.
If people ask, “Why does God allow war and evil?,” I ask, “Why do the high-school students on ‘Glee’ look forty?”
When I stand on my balcony and wave to the faithful and millions more via satellite, I think, Kate Middleton must hate me!
If someone questions papal infallibility, I reply, “I know one thing for sure: you shouldn’t be wearing horizontal stripes.”
When I ponder why I was elected Pope over so many others, I wonder if it’s just a popularity contest. Then I think, Gosh, I hope so.
Proof of God’s existence: St. Patrick’s is right next to Saks.
Certain Christians think that they have to attend church only on Christmas and Easter, and I have a word for those people: lucky.
Whenever people doubt that angels are real, I ask them, “Excuse me, but have you seen the Jonas Brothers in concert?”
I hate to say it, but nuns are God’s punch lines.
Michele Bachmann is not Satan. Satan doesn’t have split ends.
Someday I’d like to put on slacks, a cardigan, a little straw hat, and sunglasses, and go see “The Book of Mormon.”
I worry about tweeting a sexy photo and seeing the headline: “THE POPE’S ANKLES!”
I tell other religious leaders their version of God is as valid as mine, but then I twirl and ask, “But who’s He takin’ to prom, huh?”
I met the Dalai Lama and he was so nice, but all I could think was, Sandals? In January? Really?
Every day I offer up a special prayer for the entire Kardashian family, but the next morning they’re always still alive.
I loved that best-seller about the boy who momentarily died and went to Heaven, but all I wanted to ask was, “Did He say anything about me?”
I counsel couples who are about to marry, “If it feels good, stop.”
Nancy Grace: perfect name for a gay Pope?
Read more http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2011/07/25/110725sh_shouts_rudnick#ixzz1TrcE29QN
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Atentie la falsuri
Puiu Oncescu: Eu ma vazut doua tiganci cersetoare care isi aratau cartea de identitate de Croatia: Donnez moi un sous! Soyez tranquils! Nous ne sont pas des roumaines.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Anul meu sabatic
Va rog frumos sa nu ma cautati incepand cu 1 ianuarie 2012. O sa fiu plecat. Departe. Foarte departe. Si ultima oara cand am verificat nu aveau wireless in savana pentru ca un leu s-a pisat pe stalpul pe care era montata antena de la Vodafone.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Cine nu stie, cunoaste.
Bote: "Femeile care mimează orgasmul sunt ca nişte vaci care mugesc la muls"
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Gura pacatosului
Biblia pe care o ofera Adevarul la vanzare este sponsorizata de BRD. Cu 30 de arginti.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Ratingul bate viata
Oana si Pepe si-au amanat divortul din cauza nuntii regale.
Banuiesc ca nu au vrut sa-i eclipseze pe proaspetii insuratei.
Banuiesc ca nu au vrut sa-i eclipseze pe proaspetii insuratei.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
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